The summer of 2006 was a little blurry to say the least. I was dating DP and our weekends were spent out on his cousins boat. Our relationship was just one of those things where you knew it wasn't going anywhere. I was 35 and never been nor wanted to get married. He was 42 and felt the same way. It was convenient and fun. We lasted for about 4 months.
About about 3 weeks after we had ended things I had gone out, had 2-3 beers and went home. The next day, I felt like I was going to die. I was hung over and couldn't figure out when I had become such a light weight. My girlfriend and I went to have spicy Mexican food at my request for lunch. As we went over a few girl things, I realized that it was possible that I was pregnant. We drove straight to the store and I bought a test. It was in the rest room at my job that I found out my life was about to change in a BIG way and I was very alone.
I decided to call DP and inform him what we had created together. He needed time to think, but seemed ok. For about two weeks, he went through all of the different emotions. Mad, excited, concerned, etc... We tried to give us another try, but I was so emotional and a little angry. He decided that he couldn't deal with me and that I should take an abortion pill. I was having none of that even if it meant being single momma at 35.
With DP's approval I spoke with his mother and sister and let them know that they could be as much a part of this as they wanted even if DP and I couldn't figure things out. They were very sweet and seemed excited. His sister has one little girl and other than that they have no grandchildren nor will have anymore from her. Her daughter kept asking when she could meet her new cousin. It was very sweet.
My parents were completely excited to finally have a grandchild from there only child. They had begun to loose hope that I would ever give them that joy.
Oh I forgot to mention that over the summer/on the boat one drunk day, very drunk day I had the greatest lack of judgement possible. A guy on the boat came on to me and I didn't have the good sense to say no. I created a lot of drama for DP and another women. Needless to say, my life was out of control that fine summer and I needed to get a grip. I have no excuse for this behavior, but I learned a huge lesson and probably cost my daughter a relationship with her father.
None the less, this issue was at least a month before I got pregnant. There was absolutely no doubt that DP was the father. Not once did I ever doubt it. DP would not use a condom and he felt like the withdrawal method lessened his pleasure. I was up front from day 1 about not being on birth control for personal reasons such as extreme mood changes every time I was on anything, female problems and more. Plus I was only with him except for that one stupid day that I regret more than anything I have ever done. Remember that it was over 1 month prior to becoming pregnant per my doc. He said there is no possible way you are that far along.
So as the story goes, this situation was brought up to DP one night when he was out. He stopped calling me and so did his family. Then I heard through the grape vine that he was telling people that he wasn't the father. People that I thought were friends started making comments like "did you figure out who the father of that kid is yet?" So I made a final teary eyed call to DP asking him why he was doing all of this. Why not get DNA tested when I have my amnio? I am 35 and it is suggested for us old women. He didn't want to do that. He had it in his mind that she was not his. I an the other hand had fallen in love with this little person forming in my belly. I had family that would stand by me and knew that I was a good person even if my lack of judgement showed different for 1 summer of my life. This baby girl was going to be loved with or with out him or his family.
So I went on with my pregnancy, by my self until my little one arrived.
About about 3 weeks after we had ended things I had gone out, had 2-3 beers and went home. The next day, I felt like I was going to die. I was hung over and couldn't figure out when I had become such a light weight. My girlfriend and I went to have spicy Mexican food at my request for lunch. As we went over a few girl things, I realized that it was possible that I was pregnant. We drove straight to the store and I bought a test. It was in the rest room at my job that I found out my life was about to change in a BIG way and I was very alone.
I decided to call DP and inform him what we had created together. He needed time to think, but seemed ok. For about two weeks, he went through all of the different emotions. Mad, excited, concerned, etc... We tried to give us another try, but I was so emotional and a little angry. He decided that he couldn't deal with me and that I should take an abortion pill. I was having none of that even if it meant being single momma at 35.
With DP's approval I spoke with his mother and sister and let them know that they could be as much a part of this as they wanted even if DP and I couldn't figure things out. They were very sweet and seemed excited. His sister has one little girl and other than that they have no grandchildren nor will have anymore from her. Her daughter kept asking when she could meet her new cousin. It was very sweet.
My parents were completely excited to finally have a grandchild from there only child. They had begun to loose hope that I would ever give them that joy.
Oh I forgot to mention that over the summer/on the boat one drunk day, very drunk day I had the greatest lack of judgement possible. A guy on the boat came on to me and I didn't have the good sense to say no. I created a lot of drama for DP and another women. Needless to say, my life was out of control that fine summer and I needed to get a grip. I have no excuse for this behavior, but I learned a huge lesson and probably cost my daughter a relationship with her father.
None the less, this issue was at least a month before I got pregnant. There was absolutely no doubt that DP was the father. Not once did I ever doubt it. DP would not use a condom and he felt like the withdrawal method lessened his pleasure. I was up front from day 1 about not being on birth control for personal reasons such as extreme mood changes every time I was on anything, female problems and more. Plus I was only with him except for that one stupid day that I regret more than anything I have ever done. Remember that it was over 1 month prior to becoming pregnant per my doc. He said there is no possible way you are that far along.
So as the story goes, this situation was brought up to DP one night when he was out. He stopped calling me and so did his family. Then I heard through the grape vine that he was telling people that he wasn't the father. People that I thought were friends started making comments like "did you figure out who the father of that kid is yet?" So I made a final teary eyed call to DP asking him why he was doing all of this. Why not get DNA tested when I have my amnio? I am 35 and it is suggested for us old women. He didn't want to do that. He had it in his mind that she was not his. I an the other hand had fallen in love with this little person forming in my belly. I had family that would stand by me and knew that I was a good person even if my lack of judgement showed different for 1 summer of my life. This baby girl was going to be loved with or with out him or his family.
So I went on with my pregnancy, by my self until my little one arrived.
oh my, this story is so heart-breaking but also reveals what a mother can endure...and for the right reasons.
ReplyDeletekudos to you, for bringing your baby into your life. though my story is totally different from yours, but it was also a decision i wanted to make. and it was the ONLY right decision.
i feel in some parts, we are the same...i also looooved to drink! or still love to...sans my blog's title! LOL. tc!
How did you and DP meet, might shed some light and what was the nature of your relationship - was it pure physical or was there also elements of companionship as well.
ReplyDeleteGM
Anon- We met at work, but actually went to the same HS and had some mutual friends. He was the agressor at the begining, but I wasn't too far behind in falling for him. We had a connection and talked about having a relationship long term. However, his longest relationship ever was about 4 months long and he was 42. I had a couple 3-5 year relationships in the past, but had been burned and was in a phase of a lot of short term, crappy, non-deep relationships. We were both kind of in the same spot. We did care for each other as much as either of us could at that point in our lives.
ReplyDeleteNot sure if that helps any?
Yes - but you could have laid down some rules ... like you can't comin' in, if you aren't dressed for the occasion ... like no tie, no jacket, no service. And what do you mean DP would not use a condom, you sure you got his age right? Don't look like 42 to me - 14 may be, not 42. You could have said "You ain't wihtdrawin' honey, you ain't goin' in unless you put it on" I know is all hindsight, what I am sayin' is man like him, ain't fit to be a father, so as hard as it has been bein' a single mom n all, you still better off. And from now on, buy some stock in Trojan, and put them on him yourself.
ReplyDeleteGM
Anon- I am not sure if you have read anymore of my blog, but all of the things that you have mentioned here are the reasons that I don't bitch about being a single mom. I could have done more to prevent it. I did not and am happy that it happened. With or without him, my daughter and I have eachother.
ReplyDeleteNever said you don't have a right to bitch, in fact you do and should - coz even if you screwed it up, he screwed up even more - and than got off scott free - and from what I can see, what happened that fateful day on the boat was not an accident - that boat was on rocky waters long before that guy rocked your boat. I am not blaming you, do you understand? No I haven't read all of your blog - any particular post you want me to read?
ReplyDeleteGM
Anon- Thanks for reiterating that you are not blaming me. I do understand that. I guess it took me a while to realize that I wasn't the only one that made a mistake. I am now more at peace with the whole situation. My little one helps me see that every single day. I do however feel sorry for his mom and sister and that they are missing out on a relationship with their such a sweet little girl. Actually, I don't feel too sorry for them since they have made their choice. I feel sorry that my daughter will always wonder.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, thanks for reading and commenting. It is always appreciated.
Ti's hard to blame some one who already accepts his / her part. Shame is on those who are in denial. They are the ones who walk though life without any thought or reflection. You may be blond, but my no means dumb.
ReplyDeleteGM
A heart moving post. Although I've barely touched the surface, your vividly personable blog has left me feeling the better for reading it. Thank you for sharing so much, so honestly.
ReplyDeleteBlue smiles appreciatively.