Monday, September 28, 2009

Can you add? What is 2 + 1?

I was just remembering a time that my judgment was in need of some ass kicking and thought it was blog worthy.

About 4 years ago, I met my father at a popular mountain town bar that HE frequents often. He does the loop looking for any chick that will talk to him, and leaves me alone standing at the bar. So this very (and I do mean VERY) handsome guy and his wife walk in. They stand next to me at the bar and after a few minutes start talking to me. They explain that they have been married for 10 years and are soooo in love. They have 2 children and live pretty close to me. We kept each other company for a couple hours as they talked about how they had a friend they want to set me up with, blah, blah. So I give them my number and tell them that I have to find my playboy father and say good night.

As I was driving home, they call to make sure that I made it home OK and to let me know that they thought I was awesome and were serious about hanging out sometime. Yeah, yeah, OK!

I ended up meeting them out a few times and going to Eliches with the wife and their kids once. They were pretty nice people and really seemed to like me. Every one that I told about them kept saying, "something is up. No couple really likes you that much after a few hours at a bar". Um, yes they do, I am very likable!! Just ask me.

So one night they invited me over to their house to have dinner with themselves and their kids. OK, that sounds nice. Dinner was really good and then we went into the living room with a beer for some small talk. He sat on the couch with me and she sat on a chair across the way. He was insistent on giving me a back and foot rub. I was so completely uncomfortable that I made up an excuse that I had to get up early and I was out-a -there!

But as noted before, I am not so smart and got reeled into this yet one more time. He, called me one afternoon when I was off work and asked me to meet him for a beer and his wife would be arriving soon afterwards. I was bored and love me some beer, so I went. I was trying to get rid of some furniture at the time and he invited himself over to my house to look at it. He was going to do me a favor and help me get rid of it. No wifey hadn't shown up and I was a little nervous, but again I have NO sense, so there we were sitting at my house looking at and talking about furniture when he did it.

Hey, you and my wife should hook up. She would love that.

Um, no thanks.

Seriously, it wouldn't be weird and we just think you are so awesome. It would be good for both of you.

Um, yeah, I am pretty positive that I will be saying NO to this, but hey thanks. Gee look at what time it is. My um roommate that I never told you about will be home soon.

NOW, I got it. It finally sunk in that what everyone was warning me about really did just happen. I seriously must be extremely naive. I had no idea. I really thought they like me for my charming personality.

So anyway, I stopped returning calls and they responded by telling me off via voice mail. He called me and told me how selfish I was and that I hurt his wife's feelings by ignoring her calls and that I should never call them again. Really? Gee, sorry, I really wanted to hang out again.

Anyway, now, over the years, I am better able to spot this kind of thing. I know a few swingers and I actually like them a lot. I have nothing against it. To each his own, but couldn't they get a feel for what I would say by hanging out with me as much as they did. Did it really need to get to this point?

21 comments:

  1. I knew where this was going 5th sentence in, but I won't hold it against ya. ;) I might have done the same thing in your position. We all want to believe that people like us for our amazing wit and charm. Not because they eally because they want to F our brains out while the wifey watches.

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  2. Hm, I thought he wanted to watch while you and the wifey did...whatever? :) sorry, it isn't funny, but it kind of is. Because, you know, it wasn't me! :)

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  3. Since most swingers blur the lines of boundaries it usually spreads to how they interact with others. Hey you learned something and didn't have to worry about having a shotgun shoved in your face so you're beating me.

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  4. Hahaha, I KNEW in the beginning that they were swingers.

    You shouldn't feel so bad. If you've really never been around swingers how would you know what to look out for ?

    But I think that couple was a little shady. It sounds like the did try to blur the boundary lines.

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  5. Wow...I feel like I need a shower. It reminds of that scene in Raising Arizona where Nicolas Cage says "Keep your G*ddamn hands off my wife!"

    Swingers are scary.

    XO
    Leigh

    PS Thanks for stopping by my Blog over at Leigh vs Laundry.

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  6. So weird. I read another blog post somewhere else just today that was like the same exact story!?!?!

    *cue Twilight Zone music*

    Wow.

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  7. Whoa! I never would have thought of swingers. I would have missed all the cues. Count another member of the naievete club :)

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  8. Well, we've almost all been "naive" at some point, or at least thought the best of others because we thought that they were thinking of our best interests. And that personality trait? Not bad. Just usually includes some bumps along the way. ;)

    See you Friday, girly!

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  9. Holy cow!! I would never have known either.

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  10. What?! You didn't want to have sex with the wife?! Dude. You're a prude.

    ;)

    A smart prude, btw.

    Hehehe

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  11. Candice-Can you really blame them? I would want to do me! :)

    Mike- Do tell more. That sounds scary.

    Senorita- Definitely shady.

    Leigh- They just seemed so nice and normal. At first.

    T- They are popping up everywhere. I never knew that there were so many open marriages.

    Kathy- I knew you would have been the same way. See the best in everyone. :)

    Amira- Glad it was a small bump. Could have been worse.

    Tsquared-I guess it takes all kinds.

    QT-I might have thought about it now that I am in a draught! :)

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  12. Ass kicking and blog worthy - a truism if I ever heard one!

    What's going on in the blogosphere that we're both writing about the same topic? http://dadshouseblog.com/2009/09/29/husband-wants-to-watch/

    Synchronicity... Or powerful mental/emotional/transpersonal connection. (I keep visiting you in your dreams, asking for the rest of those thong pics... haha)

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  13. Wait...wait...

    I'm still stuck on something.

    You think you're charming?

    ;)

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  14. Dad-I was wondering who keeps Popping up in my dreams!! ;)

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  15. Random- You better watch out, I am VERY charming. When I want to be. ;)

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  16. You should have done it... think about how great of a blog post THAT would have been.

    (I kid)

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  17. Wow that's straight out of a Sex and the City episode!

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  18. UM. WOW. can't say i didn't see that one coming. what creeptowns!

    girl, you scare me. please tell me you've wised up to the ways of people. if not, i'll have to send someone to keep an eye on you at all times.

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  19. There is an award waiting for you over at Leigh vs Laundry.

    XO
    Leigh

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  20. Yeah, I saw this coming while reading. But I have to tell you that if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't have had a clue either.

    I hopped over here from Leigh's site. Congrats on your award!

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