Monday, January 18, 2010

What, am I invisible?

Remember when I said that I hated New Years at the gym? Well here are two reasons why.

I was in the Basket ball court the other day doing half court lunges. There were some young guys playing basket ball on one side of the court which left the far hoop and the 2 side hoops open. I was lunging under one of the side ones. Two athletic, boyish looking girls walk in bouncing their b’ball and heading right for the basket that I was currently exercising under. I turn around and they are playing ball where I just passed them with out acknowledging that I even existed. I stood there in awe for at least 2 minutes contemplating if I should say something or just move to one of the other two open hoops.
I am standing there thinking, seriously, you don’t see me?
You don’t see the other two open hoops less than 10ft from here?
Your mommies never taught you that there are other people in the world besides you?
Do you expect me to move over?
Am I f-ing invisible?
Do you have any knowledge of what gym etiquette is?
Well, they must have felt my disturbing, I am going to cut you death stare and one of them says, “Can we help you?” Now, I know I am no match for these two, but this old chick still has some fight left in her, and well, I can run pretty fast if I need to, so I am like “Yeah, I was just trying to figure out how you can be so rude when there are two other hoops open?” One of them proceeded to want to brawl but the other just said, sorry, we didn’t mean to be rude, we just weren’t paying attention, and pulled her friend to the side. We all moved on without further incident, but it just makes me wonder. Are people really that oblivious to others around them?

Next, I am in the locker room changing into my workout clothes and I have to use the bathroom so I put all of my stuff in a locker except my shoes and they are at the end of one of the benches. Now, there is no one in the place while I am getting dressed and the locker room is pretty large. There are wooden benches that go the length of the room and when I come out, there are two women standing where my shoes were. All of their clothes and bags are now on the bench and my shoes are no where in site. So again, I stand there with a look of complete stupidity on my face and one of them notices. “Oh, are we in your way?” “No, I just thought I had put my shoes right there. “ She moves her bag and sure as shit, there are my shoes under a pile of her belongings. Now, these women were nice, but still I ask myself, how did you not notice a pair of tennis shoes sitting on the bench in a very empty locker room? Are people this unaware of others and there things?

I may not be able to teach my daughter everything in life, but here are some of the things that she will do or she will be confined to her room her whole life.

Hold doors open for anyone older than her.

Please, thank you and excuse me for everything. And I mean EV ER Y TH I NG!

A man will come to the door to get her and a man will hold the car door for her or she will NOT be going anywhere with them.

Let her seat go for anyone older than her.

Be aware of others and their things and space.

Be polite to people helping her. I.e. sales people, customer service people, teachers or just anyone that provides her with a service or help in general.

Anyone in a uniform, be it military, police, etc… shall always be greeted with Sir or ma’am and always be treated with respect no matter what.

Basically, be aware of others and their feelings.


  1. Bwahahhahhahahahahah. oops. I mean, good luck? No, no, wait...I joke, but it is a lot harder than you think. NOT because YOU aren't going to teach your kid (s) basic niceties, but because a LOT of other parents don't. Drives me crazy, too-like when the movie theater is crowded and people don't even say excuse me when they knock into you, or let the door slam in your face rather than hold it. Grrrrrr.

  2. I think that people are, in fact, that clueless. And while I'm tempted to say the problem is getting worse, I suspect it really isn't. Rather, as I get older, I think it bothers me more, so I'm more apt to notice it.

    The respect thing is further compounded by the fact that different quarters have different methods of showing respect, and as our society has become more mobile, the muddying of those waters has been problematic. At my University, for example, I was constantly scowled at for holding doors open for women -- I had learned growing up that you hold doors open as a sign of politeness for *anyone*, but esp. women, your elders, etc. Here, i was treated as scum for holding doors open for my female peers. It turns out that they had come to the conclusion that holding doors open was disrespectful. The feminist mantra of the day was that men held doors for women as a condescending way of implying that women were not capable. (!!!)

    So, when two worlds collide, niceties can take a beating. Your daughter *should* demand respect from any potential suitor... but, if her suitor is from the New England or New York area, that respect may be conveyed by means that don't include holding doors open. Sad, but true.

    That said, just as I was 'trained' to let go of the door holding when I'm in New York / New England, all good men and women can and should be 'trainable' in terms of learning how to show respect to their romantic partners, their elders, and others in the languages/customs to which they have become accustomed.

  3. I love the way you want her to grow up. I have the same goals for my daughter...and slightly altered ones for my son. I am determined that my children will grow up to respect others. It drives me crazy seeing the distinct LACK of respect these days.

  4. I so just typed out a half page comment on how impolite kids send me around the BEND....and blogger shitted out on me....

    So you get this instead.

  5. I find myself furious at what I completely interpret to be RUDE, OBNOXIOUS, purposefully disrespectful behavior...only to be later defused, deflated, and discouraged that it was simply self-centeredness. You have totally nailed it--"invisibility." The youth of today (um, meaning anyone under like...35) seem so completely insulated--so enraptured by their own agenda--that nothing else, no one else...matters. It's worse than intentional deeds, because without being even AWARE of it--how do they/we/the world have a hope in hell of changing?

    ps. I have three sons(8,9,&10), how old are your daughters? Can we arrange something?? lol

  6. People are ridiculously oblivious. But that is not an excuse for rudeness. It just isn't.

  7. LOVE IT! Good on ya for teaching those things.

    And how could those girls not notice beautiful you?!? Did you forget to shine your light that day?


  8. Ah, well you know what they say about the best laid plans...

    Your intentions are very nobel and admirable, but know that you will rarely see evidence of whatever manners she does learn. She will save that all for her friends parents so they will look at you like you are crazy when you complain about your unruly daughter.

    Just sayin'.


  9. I'm so glad you said something to these people. Seriously. I think so many of us are just accustomed to NOT saying something!

    I totally always say something. Of course, I'm never as rude as to do these things either. I try very hard to teach Em these things as well.

  10. I think a lot of it has to do with the whole gym superiority complex though, for real. I'm one of the younger people at my gym and I feel pretty fit, but holy crap, you don't want to over-step on someone else's territory. The men aren't so bad, but the women....geeee!

  11. That is one of the things I hate about the gym.

    Good for you for teaching your daughter those rules. My parents pretty much glued them to me growing up.

    Parents who don't teach their children manners are doing them a huge disservice.

  12. I nearly missed this blog. I didn't even notice it. It was like it wasn't even there.

  13. Hell to the mutha effin YES! You go girl!

    If more mothers were like you we wouldn't have such rudeass people walking among us!