Friday, April 9, 2010
Warning to the men that read my blog, this is not a request for a teacher.
I find myself being torn in a few directions when it comes to blogging. I started this as a mommy blog that was going to be a journal of my journey with and for my daughter. As it has progressed, it has become more of a place for me while I am learning personal growth with a sprinkle of my daughter’s life thrown in. Some of the things that I want to write about, I am afraid to because I don’t want her to know that side of me nor should a child want to know certain things about their parents. Yet other parts are exactly what I want her to know about me. This post is not one of those…
Recently in my quest to become a better person and get to know who I really am, I realized that I have never really liked sex. Yes, I know this is strange coming from someone that has dated half of the population of Colorado and talks and thinks about it 24/7, but sex to me has been more for getting attention, to feel wanted and loved right now, not to actually savor and enjoy a connection. There have been many times when I was in a relationship that I actually hated sex and felt more like it was a chore or a duty. Sure I get pleasure from sex, but not that deep knowing, that inner connection that I really desire. I am talking about that pleasure someone gets when they really know them selves and what they like and want and are not concerned with making someone like them because of their looks or sexappeal.
Lately I find myself being drawn to blogs that are sexually open and comfortable. I like to hear what people say that are comfortable enough with themselves and their sexuality to tell me through their words and pictures. I listen to stories of true love and passion, of multiple orgasm and think to my self, is this really something that they experienced? Does this really happen to people? If so, I WANT THIS TOO!
It is funny to me that people that are aware of their sexuality carry a certain stigma. I find it so empowering and really wish I knew how to get there.
I want to know what it is like to have passion and comfort with someone. To have sex mean more than, well, sex. I want to know what makes me tick and what true pleasure is. I am not looking for sexual experiences; I have had plenty of those. I am looking to learn for myself first, then when I am ready, find someone that I feel comfortable enough with to learn how to love passionately.
On a funnier note: It makes me laugh when I comment on some of these blogs. Me kissing my new born baby picture doesn’t really fit in too well. I wonder what other commenter’s think when they see my comment. Um, this chick is lost!!!!