Friday, April 9, 2010

Learning

Warning to the family members that read my blog, you may want to skip this one. In fact, I promise you will want to skip this one.

Warning to the men that read my blog, this is not a request for a teacher.

I find myself being torn in a few directions when it comes to blogging. I started this as a mommy blog that was going to be a journal of my journey with and for my daughter. As it has progressed, it has become more of a place for me while I am learning personal growth with a sprinkle of my daughter’s life thrown in. Some of the things that I want to write about, I am afraid to because I don’t want her to know that side of me nor should a child want to know certain things about their parents. Yet other parts are exactly what I want her to know about me. This post is not one of those…

Recently in my quest to become a better person and get to know who I really am, I realized that I have never really liked sex. Yes, I know this is strange coming from someone that has dated half of the population of Colorado and talks and thinks about it 24/7, but sex to me has been more for getting attention, to feel wanted and loved right now, not to actually savor and enjoy a connection. There have been many times when I was in a relationship that I actually hated sex and felt more like it was a chore or a duty. Sure I get pleasure from sex, but not that deep knowing, that inner connection that I really desire. I am talking about that pleasure someone gets when they really know them selves and what they like and want and are not concerned with making someone like them because of their looks or sexappeal.

Lately I find myself being drawn to blogs that are sexually open and comfortable. I like to hear what people say that are comfortable enough with themselves and their sexuality to tell me through their words and pictures. I listen to stories of true love and passion, of multiple orgasm and think to my self, is this really something that they experienced? Does this really happen to people? If so, I WANT THIS TOO!

It is funny to me that people that are aware of their sexuality carry a certain stigma. I find it so empowering and really wish I knew how to get there.

I want to know what it is like to have passion and comfort with someone. To have sex mean more than, well, sex. I want to know what makes me tick and what true pleasure is. I am not looking for sexual experiences; I have had plenty of those. I am looking to learn for myself first, then when I am ready, find someone that I feel comfortable enough with to learn how to love passionately.

On a funnier note: It makes me laugh when I comment on some of these blogs. Me kissing my new born baby picture doesn’t really fit in too well. I wonder what other commenter’s think when they see my comment. Um, this chick is lost!!!!

34 comments:

  1. You cannot expect someone to please you if you do not know what pleases you. You first must learn what you like and don't like, and what gets you off most importantly. Then you can introduce your partner into the picture! I didn't learn to enjoy it until after my first marriage when I took the time to get to know MYSELF for the first time! Good Luck!

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  2. Where's the links for these blogs you're reading woman?!?!

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  3. It sounds like you've been missing the intimacy in those relationships. Intimacy being the ability to be and show who you are. Like you said if you don't know who you are its hard to do this. From all your blogging it sounds like you are working on it. However from our little bet you may need to push yourself more to move at a pace that makes you happy.

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  4. I think it's great you are opening up to this. I've had girlfriends who were rockstars in bed, but never really felt connected. Just gazing in your partner's eyes is a start. (One of my GFs post-divorce couldn't do that during sex.) And I don't think it's weird that you want to write about this and about being a parent. There's more to being a single parent than just raising your kid alone, and going on dates.

    http://dadshouseblog.com/2009/02/17/beginners-tantra-sexy-and-heartfelt/

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  5. Nice to get to know more about you... very nice indeed....

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  6. you know what i see when I look at your blog picture... there is a lady with passion, for your child... now all you have to do is find yours and Im sure you will and if you don't chase it most likely it will find you. Granted I think a lot of us have hang ups that prevent us from going there... and its up to us to bust free.... you have it....

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  7. I love how Dual Mom gets right down to it! Hahaha!

    It's hard to let yourself get intimate with someone, especially if you've been burned. It takes trust, which is hard to build if you're jaded.

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  8. I agree with MamaTink. You need to get to know yourself. You can't be comfortable with someone else without knowing your body. What pleases you. What doesn't. What you like, what you don't. But also, you have to be uninhibited with your own sexual self. Be comfortable sexually speaking regardless of your shape, size, those problem areas women obsess about. Your partner won't notice them at all if you aren't obsessing over them. When you are not at ease, your partner feels the tension, and that adds angst that gets in the way of passion. You can't know true passion and pleasure until you let go of all that non-sexual stuff and just be free.

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  9. I think something that has always made me enjoy sex so much is that it's *mine*...well, and his obviously. But that part of us was only for us. It was our private selves and we could be whoever we wanted! At work, I am professional and courteous. Always say please and thank you. At home, I am careful with my bad words. With him, I am pushy, needy, loud, demanding and definitely not careful with the bad words! But guess what? Only him and I know this. It's ours. I get to be whoever I want behind those doors (or whereever we may be). I like that. I feel like it's my secret identity. My own.

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  10. Trust is harder to build the more you've been burned! But the more you have sex without the deeper intimacy first, the more it gets BACKWARDS!! That's why I've been celibate for 15 years now-- besides being too busy w/ single dad crap, I never met a "modern" woman who was interested in getting the relationship right FIRST & THEN going for the sex! They were exactly Backwards! Now I'm too frigging old for the girls whose looks appeal to me to be attractive to them seriously in any way except sex and money. WTF did the girls with brains and SOULS go? Gone to HEDONISTS every one! When will they ever learn? Oh, When will they ever learn? (Apologies to Peter, Paul & Mary.)

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  11. FINALLY someone who is happy to admit what I, and many other people, are scared to admit. I rarely TRULY enjoy sex. Unfortunately I'm married to someone who'd do it multiple times a day. We compromise. Most of my issues have to do with weight though.

    I'd love to see some of these links you're reading. Have you checked out Mistress Serena over at Utterly Sinful? http://utterlysinful.blogspot.com/

    (yeah, I like to read about sex. A lot. haha)

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  12. It's about trust, in yourself first and in your partner. It's about the intimacy that can be as simple as looking into each other's eyes. It's about finding what makes you think and knowing your body but mostly accepting it.

    Never in my life would I have thought to find that trust and intimacy with the one person I cannot share my life with. But he managed to bring me out of my shell, he woke up what was dead inside of me.

    Cute girl you have!!

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  13. My best advice to you is to blog about whatever you want and be free. You can have a separate or a private blog if you want to.

    Basically, just explore what makes you tick. Write about whatever you want, you can't go wrong there.

    Yeah, you do need to change your profile pic if you are commenting in the sexually driven blogs.

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  14. The first thing you must do is understand how to please yourself. Then you can find someone to do allllllllllllllllllllll those other things. Until you know how to please you though others will struggle doing it.

    I sure was hoping this was a teacher request! sigh.

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  15. I must agree with Sage on this one. Find every way to please yourself, then manipulate your lovers to get those results, and you may experience the best orgasms ever.

    Secretia

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  16. Great post..I am sure you got lots of great input..as an abstinent mom cannot help right now!LOL..'however your comment on my blog from yesterday inspired my blog today...!:)

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  17. I don't have any wisdom or sage advice that differs from what has already been said. I do think that trust and intimacy have to exist in order to really enjoy sex.

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  18. Yes, my goodness..reach out find that inner sexuality in you...Life is too short...sometimes iut is about the chemistry and sometimes it is about how we were raised..(Catholic girl code if I don't remember it didn't happen) Fell your inner beautify...just because you are a mother doesn't mean that you are dead...seek it out.,..and when you find it...let me know...I'm nosy but I want to see you successful!!

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  19. I was just formulating a blog on this exact subject (I have the SAME problem). I'd love to hear what you discover.

    I have to say, I just have learned with this relationship what it is truly like to "make love"...where you are staring passionately into each other's eyes and making that connection...to me the rest is just bonus :)

    D

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  20. Well, I'm glad your breaking out and blogging about different things. It's freeing isn't it?

    Plus, you never want to pigeon hole yourself into blogging about one thing.

    You are more than just one subject, dahling.

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  21. You are brave to admit it and good for you that you're trying to find "that"!

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  22. There is a lot of new perspective that comes post-divorce (or post-marriage). And also with being a mom and imagining what you want to know and what you want your children to (eventually) know for themselves.

    Intimacy--the real thing--is powerful...connection...KNOWING someone. Yes. I believe that at our cores, it is the thing we truly want if we are willing to admit it.

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  23. Hye, I completely understand. I'm hoping that we can get to a place in our relationship where we experiment a little more, try new things. I never want it to get stale. And I'm ready to let my guard down. Sounds like you may be wanting those same things...

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  24. Goodness! This is a brave post (with a brave photo at the top!) I think this is one of those things where you can't just say "this is what I want". Instead, it's something that just comes along in the right situation. And, agreeing with Dual Mom, I want to see these other sites!

    Lamb’s Most Recent Post: Guest Bloggers Needed!

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  25. Love your post! You know you could always have 2 blogs.. One for your parenting stuff and cute daughter stories. And one that is all about you, your sex life, your inner thoughts, whatever.

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  26. What do they think when they see the pic? Nothing strange. WE are moms, and daughters, and wives of spouses that are too busy, we are divorced or not. we are every normal person who chose to find a place to escape and learn more - just like you are saying. I know lots of moms that mix their blogs mom and sex. *gasp moms had to have sex to be moms after all! Go for it girl - this is YOUR space you are not for sale, nor do you need to please others in your space. Some feel more comfortable starting a fresh though and saving the old as memories. Up to you - you know I will answer any questions (I have two blogs - one for family)

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  27. As much as I enjoy reading your blog, the pic on this post is so hot, I don't mind that it's still there each day I visit! :-P

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  28. This post makes me smile big. You are on your way, sweetie. WAY well on your way. I am so happy for you!

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  29. As other people said above, feeling comfortable in your own skin and loving and accepting yourself is the start. Then, playing with yourself so you know what feels good and what doesn't.

    And, then having a partner whom you trust.

    It would be great to think you could just hook up with any hottie and have mind-blowing sex, but if you're not in that place with yourself, it won't be enjoyable. It will be, well just sex.

    Hangups, whether religion or weight or the "slut" issue just keep us from knowing our sexuality. But it's great that you're open to learning. Baby steps, and that's Step. 1!

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  30. How bizzare I find myself in the same boat . But I really don't care about sex at all if it happens fine if not fine . So here's what I'm thinking some day Ms. Right will come along and that'll happen all the great stuff till then who cares . Hang on your to good of a package to not find Mr. Right instead of Mr. Rightnow . You are nice and very attractive so just relax it'll happen in it's own time .

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  31. I read this post yesterday and didn't get a chance to comment. I would check Amazon for some books by Dr. Laura Berman. She's a sex therapist that Oprah and Dr. Oz have on their shows regularly and she's awesome. I'm sure she'd have some stellar advice for you.

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  32. Searching for one's self is the true purpose of this life. Never feel like it's a bad thing. We are all doing it in our own ways. And your sexuality is just another avenue of exploring who you are. Wishing you much luck lovely. A.

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  33. Hot photo - what a great post to be introduced to your blog with! This got me thinking about what good sex means. It's like a drug, something to lose yourself in - so I guess trust in yourself is most important. I can tell I'm going to be mulling this over all day.

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  34. I'm reiterating what other people have said, but it's important to know what you like. I know I've been in previous relationships, thought I liked something, and then when they've ended, I realized I was just going along with an act or a fantasy for my partner. You have to claim your space during sex, ask for what you want. However, you have to know what that is. You're free to enjoy whatever you want and nobody can judge that! A lot of times, it isn't sex people dislike, it's the sex they're having with their partner. Keep us updated! :)

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