Monday, April 5, 2010

A look into my childhood

When I was going to my therapist, she gave me a worksheet where I had to write down 5 happy memories from my childhood and 5 bad memories. I stared at that sheet for at least 2 weeks and never was able to fill it out. I kept making up excuses and finally my therapist called me on it. For some reason, my mind just would not let me remember any of it, good or bad. Since then, I have realized that I want to remember, if not for me, then for my daughter.

I have no idea what my grandparents lives were like prior to me. All of them are deceased and I have no way of asking them now that I am old enough to care about it. I don’t want my daughter to someday wake up and not know about the people she loves lives before her. I can’t give her their histories, but at least I can give her a glimpse of mine.

I am going to try to delve into this and I am sure I will bore the hell out of some of you. I will post other things in the process of putting it all in writing, but please don’t feel bad if you just can’t make yourself read my dribble. I completely understand and know that this is more for my sanity and my daughter’s future questions about her momma. Hell, she may not even ever want to know.

25 comments:

  1. I think that exercise would be good for everyone to complete. I might try it and see what kind of blog posts I get out of it.

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  2. oh my I'm so glad I dont have a therapist asking me that...I don't think I could do it...

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  3. I'm sure it will be good for you...but I'm not so sure I'll be jumping on the bandwagon!

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  4. It is actually quite common for one to lose glimpses of time in there youth..sometimes it is protective mode that maybe a little mind can't rap herself around what is happening...Not all bad, the the brain works in mysterious ways, and doesn't fully develop until well into our 20's. At times we have no way of judging why we do what we do and even the consequences of it all! Don't beat your self up to much...maybe you could check into genealogy by way of your last name maiden...Until then I am sure to continue to read..
    Just one nurses opinion

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  5. I can't wait to hear about this - please be sure to share, if you like. My therapist (one of many I've had in the last 20 years) gave a similar task for me to do. It was very cathartic.

    Another task is to explain who you were (writing it down) at age 20. Then age 10. What were your thoughts, feelings, how did you handle things, what made you laugh, cry and how did you feel about yourself. It's hard, but so worth it.

    xxoo

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  6. I'm sure I've blocked out plenty of stuff in life... Mostly between 19 - 25....

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  7. I could write 5 bad things down in the same amount of time it took to type this. Good things? Well that's another story. I keep meaning to do this on my own, but I put it off and I know how helpful it would be.

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  8. I'm curious, do you remember what they purpose of this exercise was? And I find it interesting that you couldn't think of anything - or did you just not WANT to?

    I think processing it on the blog is a great idea and hope it is cathartic for you.

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  9. Mindy-She wanted me to associate feelings that I have now with specific situations from when I was a child. To maybe understand what triggers my anger or my lack of trust or my need to control. Things like that.
    After a while, I came up with a lot of bad, but not any good unless it had to do with my grandmother. It took me a long time of trying to remember to actually be able to come up with anything. Still to this day I have to write it down when it comes to me or I loose it.

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  10. She will want to know at some point. That is awesome. Both my parents are dead and only one of my grandparents are alive, I need to talk to her and write shit down huh?

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  11. got nothing but maybe I mere presence will help cheer you up... hmmmmmmm

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  12. that was supposed to read: I got nothing but maybe my mere presence will help cheer you up... hmmmmmmm

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  13. This is a really great idea for an exercise....but a hard one to carry out! I wish I knew about my grandparent's lives and I regret not having asked them when they were still alive. What a special thing to give your daughter....insight into who you are and why. I might have to try this myself.

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  14. I love this idea! Then again, you probably knew that I would.

    ;)

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  15. I wish I had stuff my grandmother had written. I don't remember her. She died when I was 2. Everyone talks so fondly of her, but I would love to be able to get to know her by reading her words, her thoughts.

    She will appreciate having a digital chronicle to read through!

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  16. thanks for stopping by and commenting on my post. I like this idea and have attempted it myself

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  17. I never get tired of what you write. My grandmother was a huge help in telling me my family history.

    If someone were to make me write down 5 good/bad memories from my childhood, I would stall as much as possible, too.

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  18. There are things I dont even want to remember. So I for sure wouldnt want my kids to be able to read about it! =)

    I think its great that you're doing this for your little girl!

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  19. I think it's a great idea. I have no doubt you'll live to be 142 but in case you don't, it will give your daughter a glimpse into you as a person, rather than just as a mum! Morbid? Perhaps. But real. Know what I mean?

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  20. We all want history. It will be good for you. It could be a great bonding experience. My kids still want to hear stories of my childhood and of theirs.

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  21. I think it's a great idea and can't wait to read it!!

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  22. Sounds like a great exercise, especially if your subconscious is resisting.

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  23. That sounds impossible, even for me who had a close relationship with both my parents and my grandparents. Maybe I should try this as well.

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  24. You know what, Danielle!? I cannot remember a LOT of what my life was like as a child, or even what my life was like when my own children were younger. I closed a lot of memory doors for some reason and they need a good shaking. I will enjoy reading what your bring back from your past.

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