Wait, with out thinking, I would probably in a quick situation die for any child in harms way. So what does that say? I wouldn’t die for my own friends, most of my family, any boyfriend or ex husband (I have only had one ex husband) that I have ever had, but I would die for a stranger’s child if I thought they were in danger and I could step in and save them. Wow, that really makes me think about who I am. My friends and family may want to re-think hanging out with me. Geesh.
Growing up, I was never really shown love by anyone except my grandmother. As an adult, I have realized that my mother loves me unconditionally but when I was a child, she didn’t know how to show me since she was a child herself. My father loves me to the best of his ability now too, but there were strings attached to his love when I was a child. In fact, the first time he ever told me that he loved me was when I was 30 and he and my mom were divorcing.
The first time that I experienced real, heart wrenching, unconditional love was when I saw my daughter for the first time. It was only then that I knew what love really was and how deep it can affect me.
Sure, I have thought I was in love hundreds of times (I exaggerate) but unfortunately I have realized that it was just lust and it went away quickly as did I. In the past for me, love was attention. If someone gave me attention and I liked it, I thought it was love. I like to hear the word even if it had no meaning behind it. I would even coax it out of people just to get that rush. Cause we all know that if someone says it, they have to mean it. Duh!
I love things about people. Like my BFF is always there for me even when it is something that she should slap me for and then drive me to the nearest institution. I love how comfortable she is with herself and her ability to always make me feel ok. I love all of the things that a blogger friend of mine helps me open my eyes to about reality. So I do “love” but not in the real sense of the word.
This is my next “change” that I want to make in my conquest for overall health. I want to learn what the true meaning and feeling of love is.
My first step, LOVE ME!!!!