Friday, October 30, 2009

Bend Over and Spread them

This post was inspired by one of my favorite bloggers. Life According to Candice.

I was a classy biker bitch for about 10 years of my life and one fine day, I received a ticket for not having a motorcycle licence, (um after 10 years of having a bike) cause that's how I ride!
So anyhow, I paid the $20.00 ticket the next day by mail, cause that is how anal I am!

Fast forward 1 year...

When I worked at the job of my dreams, ok not so much, the car dealership, I drove a demo as a perk of being a manager. My said car was mile'd out and I had to be moved into a different car. The lot boys are supposed to do the transition for you, like put a dealer plate on the new one, move your stuff over, etc...

Well, I had a very important nail apt on the day of the above transfere of vehichles and my lot boy forgot to put a dealer plate on my demo.

See where this is going?

I got pulled over and they informed me that I had a warrant for my arrest for an unpaid ticket. I was place in handcuffs (and not for fun this time) and then into the troopers car. As normal girlish form has it, I bawled the whole way to the station.

I was immediately hated by the women in lock up and was treated like Paris Hilton without the niceties. They took me to a cell and told me to completely undress. Still bawling, they told me to turn around, bend over, grab your butt checks and smile. Seriously, I have, what you say is an unpaid ticket. I didn't kill anyone, nor am I packing cocaine baggies in my ass!!! When that humiliation was over, I was made to put on those pretty orange outfits, which I do not look good in, then taken into a small cell. There were two other women in said cell. Mind you, I am sobbing and they are talking about their pimp not coughing up the 30k to get them out this time. Hello, I had on matching earrings and a belt, I don't belong here!

Then, one of them decides that she has to go to the bathroom. Did I mention that in the middle of this 5x5' cell is a toilet and this women (I think) takes a shit.

I cried for 5 straight hours until my then boyfriend located the voided check that paid the ticket within 1 week of getting it, showed up and bailed my ass out.

This concludes the most embarrassing and degrading experience of my life. All for a paid ticket that the county did not forward to the courts.

Anyone else have any jail time under their Umm, belts?


  1. OH MY!!! I don't, knock on wood, have any jail stories to share. Yours is perfect for Halloween b/c that is scary!!

  2. You need a Johnny Cochrane to sue the orange jumpsuit off the county for unlawful confinement.

  3. Oh my effing Lord !

    I am so anal about unpaid tickets that if the check doesn't clear I will call and nag until I find out what happened. Because I have heard of this happening.

    That is so degrading and embarrassing, I am sorry you had to go through that.

  4. Wow! Even when I was in jail for making a punching bag out of my 'best friend's' face when I found her having an affair with my husband I was treated WAY better than you. I wasn't searched and I wasn't even placed in a cell! Guess they thought I'd suffered enough already.

  5. Holy sh*t!! Isn't that like a sueing offense for abuse. Sorry no jail time and I want to keep it that way.

  6. Holy cow! This totally tops any story I have. Man oh man....

    "Hello, I had on matching earrings and a belt, I don't belong here!" - that's priceless!

  7. Yeah, that's a bit much. Screw the boyfriend, your first call should have been to a lawyer. You'd be riding a 2010 softail right now, courtesy of the county.

  8. Wow! They don't fuck around over there in Colorado do they?


  9. OMGGGG!!!! Wow. I'm terrified of authority figures. That's pretty much the worst experience ever.

  10. I thought everyone in CO was all granola-eating, peace-loving, and mountain climbing. Not the cop, huh? That is c-razy!

  11. No jail story here but you are hilarious! love your blog and how real you are!!

  12. Too funny... Only because I just spent time in jail myself. Wrote a little about it today. More may come soon. Great blog!

  13. * speechless *

    So...can you laugh about it now? I mean, it's not funny, but it kind of is. Or am I just being too insensitive?

    Was good to see you--even if briefly--last night. ;)

  14. Dude.


    They checked your rectum for an unpaid ticket, which was actually paid?!

    Note to self. Pay parking tickets.

  15. Tsquared- Be very very thankful!

    Trooper-I thought they did that to everyone! Duh

    Senorita-Thats the part that pissed me off. It cleared 1 week after I got the ticket.

    Mind-At least you got the satisfaction of popping a deservant mother f*. I got nadda!

    Mike- Yeah, not a lot of fun.

    Daffy-Couldn't they see that I was way above law breaking by my assessories?

    Christpher-You think! God I wish I was sue happy.

    Candice-We better keep it mellow when you come to visit.

    Red- Those bitches don't mess around.

    Kys-The cops eat the granola lovering peace people for breakfast out here.

    That Girl-Thanks for stopping by.

    Coachdad-Can't wait to hear your story.

    Amira-It has been about 10 years now, so yes it makes me laugh NOW too.

    Dadshouse-Did I loose respect from you? Oh, I couldn't have after the thong picture!

    qt-Your comment just made me laugh so hard, that I would do it all again just for you.

  16. My mouth is wide open.

    like this:

    . .

  17. I have a very similar story that made me miss a huge birthday party my friends were throwing for me, I'll let you know when I blog about it.

  18. I'm finally going backwards at MidLife and catching up. Oh, Mama, you are a superwoman for having gone through this.

  19. Just found your blog via Ask and Ye Shall Receive.
    That is one amazing story.
    Two questions:
    One: Did this take place in some tin-pot 1970s South American dictatorship or in the USA?
    Two: If it took place in the USA, do you have a follow-up post where you sue them?

  20. I did 15 days for beating my wife...It took them that long to look at the 3 cameras at my job and figure out that I was at work when this was supposed to have happened... it cost the county $1,500 per day that I was held... thank you very much

  21. Now I KNOW Ive had too much to driunk... how in the hell did I end up in 2009??

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