Well folks, the time has come to say good bye to this blog. I no longer feel like being a hypocrite. I am sick of lying to myself and all of you! I talk a big game about how I am working on making myself a better person. I talk about how I want to have inner peace and health and how far I have come over the years. Well guess what? I have been lying to everyone. I have changed nothing for the better. In fact, I may be worse off. I took something great and made it bad. I created issues that didn’t need to be there so that I can prove to myself that people don’t stay. I am only mad at myself for not being able to fix me, for not really getting healthy and for putting a great person through my issues.
It is time once again to focus on my daughter, finding a job and myself. I need to stop faking health in a blog and start figuring out why I do the shit that I do. I literally hate who I am right now. I hate that I can’t fix me. I hate that I am not worthy of being happy. I hate that happy makes me uncomfortable. I hate that my daughter has anger issues that I am positive she has got from watching me. Right now, unfortunately, I hate most of everything ME!
Don’t worry, I am a strong person. I will come out of this and get my shit together, but for now I really need to focus on getting real with myself. I have to fix me before I destroy anything or anyone else. I need to figure out why I feel the need to control people into loving me.
I love all of you and what I have learned from you all, and I am sure I will be around still trying to learn from you, but for now it is good bye. I will be shutting this down within the next two weeks. Thanks for all of your love and support over the years. You have been great friends.