Monday, October 5, 2009

Ups and Downs

Life is just so full of ups and downs isn't? I guess it is what makes the world go round and makes us who we are.

I took toots to a Fall festival last weekend. She had a blast riding horses and in being pulled around in a weird looking train. She is getting to be such a big girl now. Everyday is a new experience for her and it so much fun for me to watch. It is also really scary. I worry so much about screwing her up. I worry that everything I do is going to going to affect her when she is grown. I know that I can't worry her life away, but sometimes it overwhelms me. Maybe it is because I am realizing just how much my childhood affected me and is still haunting some of my life.

Friday night, we had another GNO with my Colorado blogging girls. This one was very low key and nice. We had cheap wine, delicious food and good conversation at Mind's house. As usual it was a very nice evening.

Sunday, we had a bye from soccer for the Race for the Cure. I am a really big fan of this cause and I ran for Carla Nelson this year as I will for years to come. I actually ran the whole 5k, which I know is not a big deal to some, but for me was a HUGE deal. I exercise a lot, but have never run any distance with out stopping and walking. I ran the whole thing and am really very proud of myself for it. Not to mention, that it is for a great cause. I am always so impressed at how many people in this country stand up for causes and really put their hearts into things that matter. My friends and I were talking about just that afterwards. We were laughing at the fact that so many people stand as one and then turn around and do crappy things to one another. Wouldn't it be nice if we all lived life as if it were for a major cause everyday! If you think about it, it really is!

I need a break from my life, so I am going to pack myself and Toots up on the 15th and head to Ohio/Michigan for some family time. My relatives live in the Detroit/Toledo area and they have never met my daughter, so it is time for them to get to know each other. We will only be gone for 3 1/2 days, but I am hoping that I can get my head back on straight and figure my family life out for when I return. Life is about to really change for us and I need to be able to come out of it stronger for my kiddo. Toots has never been on a plane and I am nervous and excited about it. It should be interesting to say the least.


  1. I think that it is in our nature to worry about how we might be screwing our kids up, and it IS true that we have to hold ourselves accountable and questions things we do/decisions we make because we are undeniably watched every single day by our little ones. I don't know much about you, really, but I truly believe that the fact that you DO question and wonder means you are doing okay; I believe those who cause the most damage to their kids are the ones who still feel like it is their right to do whatever they want without thinking about the possible fallout-and I don't see you doing that.

    I hope the trip back to see family is a good one, and that you find what you are looking for. I will be thinking about you!

  2. Kori-Thanks for that. I hope that I am at least aware enough to do most things well. I keep having to remind myself that I am a good person.

  3. Hey, I usually say that I'm gonna screw my kids up somehow. Because aren't we ALL screwed up? We do our best, girl. And teach them to bounce back from whatever.

    I love your observation about how we stand for one cause and then we're horrible to each other. Isn't it sad but true?

    Hang in there. Hope the trip is helpful to your peace of mind.


  4. I think we always have that fear that something we say or do will make our kids jump off a bridge, or need therapy later in life. ;)

    I hope you have a nice and relaxing trip to Ohio. Everything else will work just the way it's supposed to.

    I'm a firm believer in that.

  5. T- I am thinking it is going to be a really great trip. Thanks! By the way. How was your weekend??? :)

    Candice-I believe in that too. I just freak out sometimes. I guess I need you to come and have a beer with me and shake the shit out of me!!!

  6. I agree that your awareness and concern show that you are doing it right. Your daughter will always love you.

    Can't wait to hear ALL about the trip! ;)

  7. Have a blast! And you're a smashing mother.

  8. You are a smashing mother! I can't wait to do things like pony rides with my daughter. Visiting family is good (I hope anyway...) You're brave to travel with the tot. It would make me a nervous wreck and I always gotta pee a million times when I get nervous. Talk about inconvienent!

  9. Toots is getting so big ! She looks like she had such a great time.

    You are doing a wonderful job with your daughter, and as long as Toots knows how much you love her and that you are doing your best, that is all you can do.

    We are all screwed up in this world. And if you don't screw her up, rest assured someone else will, lol.

    Enjoy the break with your family. I hope you have a wonderful trip !

  10. You ARE a smashing mother, (love the word smashing!) and you know what? T is right. It's teaching them the bouncing back and how to handle it when we DO screw up that is important too.

    Have a great trip!!


  11. You're doing great, and you'll keep doing great. Don't stress!

    Love the horse riding pic. When my daughter was 5 or 6, we let her ride a horse in LA like that. "Diablito". She had a blast.

  12. I live near Toledo!! Next time we'll have to meet up. :) Looks like little miss thing had fun...

  13. Mind-Can't wait to tell about the weekend. Should be at the very least interesting!

    angryredhead-oh, smashing! Love it and thanks.

    Daffy- I am a little nervous to travel with her. I may have to have a glass of wine on the plane. I can do that since I am not driving!

    Senorita- So true that at some point in our lives wheather it be our parents, a boyfriend, a mean girl in school, someone will screw us up a little.

    qt- True, I am good at bouncing back, so maybe she will at least get that from me too. I like smashing too.

    Dad-I thought you said dildo at first. My bad! :)

    Tsquared- I haven't gone yet, so maybe we should hook up for a beer. The 15th of Oct.

  14. Everyone worries. Good for you for noticing it though. Taking a trip to see your family is a great idea! Have fun! And how cute is she???? Yummy cute.