Seriously, there are so many douche bags that dwell in the local gyms around here.
1) The guy that is lounging back on a chest machine with his legs crossed like he is at home on his couch. Oh, and he is talking on the phone.
2) The big dude that just finished a set stands up and YELLS… YEAH!!!!
3) The dude stuck in the 90’s. He still wears a cut off flannel shirt with a hood and leaves it completely unbuttoned. Then to top that off, he wears one of those hats with the flaps in the back to catch sweat.
4) The lady that does a stripper dance in front of the main mirror for over an hour. Shaking her thang for all of us to see.
5) The many gals that show up in full make up and perfect hair and do level fucking one on the elliptical while talking on their phone.
6) The idiot that looks like he had never seen the inside of a gym but has some size so he thinks it is ok to wear tight shit that shows off way too much. Then proceeds to wildly throw some equipment around. Everyone is walking as far away from this guy while he does a machine so they don’t get nailed by a flying grip. He is never to be seen again and I am assuming it is because he tore every ligament in his body and is in the hospital.
7) The trainer that looks anorexic or like a before picture on a Jenny Craig add telling someone else how to get in shape!
8) All of us that kept working out like life is great, while a dead guy lay on the ground next to the ab machine that he had a heart attach on. (Actually a very disturbing scene)
9) The people that look great and you have no idea how since you have never seen them actually do anything but talk to everyone.
10) The dude that is next to you on the treadmill that smells so bad that even if you hadn’t taken a shower in over a month and ate Chinese food for every meal you would still smell better than him.
There are so many benefits to going to a gym. My favorite is laughing at the idiots there.
Was there really a dead guy there? That is HORRIBLE! As for the rest, meh-I can't imagine it at all.
ReplyDeleteHoly crap, a dead guy! That deserves its own post, I think.
ReplyDeleteDon't forget the idiots hitting on you... lol
ReplyDeleteDo they allow you to bring cameras into that gym, because some visual aids would really help with a post like this one . . . just saying :-)
ReplyDelete"People of Danielle's gym," like the famous "People of Wal-Mart."
So you're saying cut-off, open flannel hoodies are out . . . what about corduroy shorty-shorts, with piping down the side, that say "OP" on them?
XO
Lol. This is hilarious - aside from the dead guy of course.
ReplyDeleteAlso why I prefer to work out at home or outside. ;)
I'm with Mindy on this one, glad I got that home gym, and like to do a lot of biking.
ReplyDeleteAnd WTF is with the dead guy? Seriously? Damn.
I have never been in a gym but I need more info on the chick shaking her thang at me for an hour. Can you join and then just watch thang shakers? I LOVE me some thang shaking!
ReplyDeleteI would prolly stand in front of the mirror looking at my hotness without working out and I'd yell YEAH at myself!
Ummmm I think the dead guy is your hint that the gym might not be quite up to par... just sayin.
ReplyDeleteI was at Golden Corral today and I thought to myself... there should be a People of Golden Corral... but like someone already said... there should probably be a People of your gym.
Laughter uses every muscle in the body... best workout ever.... Just saying.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, if my manchild wasn't a trainer at the gym, I'd just work out at home.
ReplyDeleteHe keeps things running pretty smoothly, and doesn't allow much of what you have to put up with. He also does a good job at keeping the assholes away from Mama. It's a nice perk!
Thanks for putting up with all that you do, though because the results are without a doubt worth it! *wink*
xoxo
~vk~
When I was fit and in shape, I would go to the gym at 5:30 in the morning for alot of those very reasons. NO ONE is chatting on their cell phone at 5:30 in the morning. They're their to work out and that it. You never saw chicks with makeup on either. Hell it would be a good day if we had our hair brushed.
ReplyDeleteOMG this post is terrific! I so have to blog about the people in my gym...but wait! They would be the same as the ones in yours!
ReplyDeleteAnd yeah, I totally dig some of the geddups some of those big busty weight lifting guys wear? What is up with the tight fitting tank tops? Any circulation going to their forearms in those?
I think you must be kidding about the dead guy. You're kidding...right?? I have never gone to a gym and, especially after reading this, do not ever plan to :)
ReplyDeleteAwww...that makes me miss the gym...ha ha!!
ReplyDeleteOMG, I feel for you ! I try to go as late as possible when few people are left to avoid the type of twattery you described above.
ReplyDeleteWe don't have any chicks doing stripper dances at my gyms, but I do remember seeing some chicks with short shorts and no underpants. OR how about the chicks that have their legs in split position in the air to do situps for all to see ?
Yup. And this is the other reason I don't have a gym membership. The first is...money. Oh, and third...lack of ambition coupled with no interest in wasting money that could be spent on food.
ReplyDeleteI love people watching though...
i'm still stuck in the '90s, they don't make music like that anymore, long live grunge!
ReplyDeleteI hate the gym! I totally prefer a good run or bike ride. Anything outdoors. That said, when I was a member of a local gym, the best time for me to workout was when the old people were there working out. The old people and a few strippers. It was too funny! The strippers wanted to stay toned without being hit on by horny guys during the evening rush, so they'd lift when the old men (older than me) were there. Yeah, I talked to a few of these girls... They were hotties!
ReplyDeleteOne thing I like about the Y I go to is they are Nazi's about the "no phones" in the locker room and in the cardio/weights area.
ReplyDeleteBut everything else? Yeah - it's there too. Except the dead guy. Man, what a shocker that must have been. There's a post waiting to happen, no?
Are you sayin' you don' like my stripper dance?? Damn. (practicing my pole act)
ReplyDeleteAnd second to the flap-hat, I find men who yell "YEAH!" randomly to be extremely hot....then again, did he give the dead guy the heart attack?
You could always join a ladies gym....BUT WHERE THE HELL IS THE FUN IN THAT?!?
You are so right, IPOD's help a little.
ReplyDeleteAt my gym there is this one idiot always skipping rope right in front of the water fountain.
I stuck my hand out to catch the rope once, he got so pissed at me, I told him the retard workout section was on the other side.
This blog reaffirms my idea of starting my own gym.
Chinese and not showering for a month...be still my beating heart.
ReplyDelete*snort*
Oh I love the entertainment at the gym... and just as much fun talking to other friends that work out and coming up with the descriptions! I love it.
ReplyDeleteThere is a woman I see every time I'm at the gym, even when I sneaked in early morning, that looks like the walking dead. I don't even know how she has the energy to work out or how they can let her???
ahahahahaha!! guuuuuurl, this is so true! cracked me up...
ReplyDeleteI used to work out at a gym. I didn't care for the travel time to and from. Now, I work out in my basement. Easier, cheaper.
ReplyDeleteI could never, ever understand the gals who had their skin tight clothes and makeup, and perfect hair. It was obvious why they were there.....to get attention.