Thursday, January 6, 2011

Excuses be Gone!

Holy eye opening experiences lately! Things are just coming at me really quickly right now. I am almost tempted to duck!


I realized last night that I am enabling Guy#4 to go through a shitty guy phase. I have been telling him that it is all ok because he is going through a phase and we all know how big of a heart he has. I am allowing him to excuse away his shittyness. I am excusing away his shittyness. I am holding on to what he was or what he could be. He is not that good guy right now and I am allowing it to continue instead of being a real friend and telling him to STOP the EXCUSES and become who he is and can be! He has it in him to be that man again. I believe that with all of my heart but he has to choose it and he has to stop making excuses for why he is not right now! NO MORE!!!!! It is not ok for me to do it and it is not ok for him to do it and stay in my life.

The madness stops now with me! I need to stop fixing everyone else and making excuses for them so they will reciprocate the favor. IT NEVER HAPPENS THAT WAY.

Ummmmm, it is never ok to shit on other people and then excuse it away because you are “messed up” right now and trying to figure yourself out. I have done it recently and it is not ok for me to do or anyone else that is in my life to do.

I do this with every guy I date. I want to see the good in people so much that I look past all of the red flags and signs and boundaries that I should have in place. If I “fix” them, then they will love me or if I excuse their shitty behavior then they will excuse my past shitty behavior. Or, I like that they are shitty because then they won’t mind me being shitty. F@*k the excuses and be the good person!

Shewwwww, now that I have gotten that out, I need to actually figure out how to put it in place and become very strict in holding to it!
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26 comments:

  1. MindyMomJanuary 6, 2011 at 9:24 AM

    You go, girl! ;)

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  2. SSJanuary 6, 2011 at 9:50 AM

    That's a great realization! Recognizing our patterns is 1/2 the battle. Handle it. :-)

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  3. AprilJanuary 6, 2011 at 9:50 AM

    You can do this!
    As I was reading this, I was thinking that maybe we want to pigeonhole people into "good" or "bad" labels so when we think someone is a "good" person, we will excuse a lot of bad behavior. But the question should really be, "is this person good for me right now?"

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  4. Red ShoesJanuary 6, 2011 at 10:20 AM

    YAYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    What a GREAT way to start a New Year!!!

    You are exactly right in that you do NOT deserve to be the brunt of someone else's shittyness . If anything, if he is having a rough/tough time, you should be his safe haven... NOT someone to further take things out on or mis-treat...

    I like April's comment a great deal up there... "is this person good for me right now?"

    Happy New Year, sweetie!!!

    ~shoes~

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  5. nitebyrdJanuary 6, 2011 at 10:28 AM

    Everyone can get shitty once in a while but when you make it a lifestyle, there is NO excuse. Until he can pull his act together and show you on a consistent basis that he really is a good and/or nice guy, you need to put him on hold. When you begin to remove shit from your life, that includes people being shit!

    You are being so open/honest/soul bearing,etc., recently that you must be damn proud of yourself. I know I'm proud of you!

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  6. AnonymousJanuary 6, 2011 at 11:28 AM

    You should not have to make a relationship work, it should just work. That is not to say that you can't make one work, but in my opinion that would just be exhausting.
    Stick to your guns and keep your head up. it will work it's self out one way or the other.

    Thanks for stopping by my blog and commenting.

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  7. AnonymousJanuary 6, 2011 at 11:33 AM

    Do.Not.Settle.

    Ever.

    Cuz that is what you're doing, in a way. Making excuses for someone is settling for their shit behavior.

    You deserve more than that, D. BIG TIME.

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  8. January 6, 2011 at 1:22 PM

    Wow. Just wow.

    You go D. You're rockin' it.

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  9. Melissa MarisJanuary 6, 2011 at 1:41 PM

    Right on. Run from the red flags. Run very far!

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  10. KoriJanuary 6, 2011 at 2:47 PM

    I disagree with daddygreenspride that relationships shouldn't be work; of course they are work! As well they should be, if they are important. Just sayin.

    That said, all I can say is baby steps. Pick one small boundary to stick to. Stop trying to tell him what HE needs to do and focus on yourself (because thinking we know better what someone else has wrong with them is a way to control them. Even if we are right, ha ha), and keep on keeping on. Sending hugs your way!

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  11. Trooper ThornJanuary 6, 2011 at 2:51 PM

    There is never an excuse for bad manners, much less being rotten to the the people who love you.

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  12. CandiceJanuary 6, 2011 at 3:02 PM

    You know what to do. Be like Nike and "Just do it."

    :)

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  13. ChopperPapaJanuary 6, 2011 at 4:05 PM

    If you do nothing about it, you condone it and you give the person a hall pass to do it again and again. In other words we set a precedent and we all know how that goes.

    We all have bad days, but you having a bad day doesn't mean that I have to pay the price for it. Jus sayin.

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  14. HJanuary 6, 2011 at 6:09 PM

    Good to hear your doing what your set out to do. 2011 is the year of Danielle

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  15. FranceJanuary 6, 2011 at 7:17 PM

    You go girl!

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  16. ClydeJanuary 7, 2011 at 3:11 AM

    Shitty guy stuff----hmm, is that like that unexplainable girl stuff or that "Oh, its a woman thing"----all very scary.

    No, if you have a problem in one part of your life, it is not an excuse to be shitty in the rest of your life----and no, you don't have an excuse to shit on other people.

    If you cant be yourself, then dont be around other people acting like an ass

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  17. 3GKnightJanuary 7, 2011 at 1:18 PM

    Girl Power!

    or

    Bowchickabowwow

    or as MindyMom said,

    You go girl!

    ReplyDelete
  18. NickiJanuary 7, 2011 at 8:47 PM

    So very proud of you!

    S went through a shitty guy phase. And look at us now.

    Smell that? Hope. And girl power. Perfect scents for a new year.

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  19. SenoritaJanuary 7, 2011 at 10:29 PM

    So glad you are recognizing these things and getting them out.

    From my experience, men have respected me less when I stuck around and waited for them to come around.

    A man will respect you more if you tell him to get his shit together and walk away from his drama.

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  20. AnonymousJanuary 9, 2011 at 12:48 AM

    Thats right! Dont take anyones shit missy!!

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  21. MeJanuary 10, 2011 at 6:47 AM

    What a great realization! Shitty phase does not excuse shitty treatment. You deserve the best all the time.

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  22. AnonymousJanuary 10, 2011 at 7:07 AM

    *smiles*

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  23. DuckyJanuary 11, 2011 at 2:03 PM

    Figuring it out is half the battle....so they say.

    Easier said than done but YOU WILL cross it off as DONE. I have confidence in you :O)

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  24. Dennis D.January 12, 2011 at 8:10 AM

    I concur with many of the previous comments - recognizing the issue is healthy and productive. Personally I have to say that you should definitely stop enabling these types of men. Just realize that you are "worth it" and you do not deserve to have someone not respect you and treat you well.

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  25. AnonymousJanuary 13, 2011 at 11:27 PM

    atta girl. Sounds like a perfect plan to me.

    bp

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  26. DL3January 31, 2011 at 8:23 PM

    Please look for your happiness

    http://dl3mashael.blogspot.com/

    http://dl3mashael.blogspot.com/2011/01/why-west-needs-to-islam-video-why-you.html

    http://dl3mashael.blogspot.com/2011/01/we-believe-jesus-peace-be-upon-him-we.html

    ReplyDelete

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