Wednesday, April 15, 2009

The call

First, my daughters name was going to be Riley, or Kennedy until the weekend before I had her. My 14 year old step sister threw names at me the whole way through my pregnancy, most of which I cringed at. Then she hit me with Bryce 2 day before she came into the world. I am partial to boyish names for a girl and it stuck. So Bryce Alexis it was. She fits it perfectly by the way.

So, when she was 2 months old, DP called me and said that his mother and sister were really hounding him and he should at least get a paternity test done. Now, I was still soooooo hormonal, sleep deprived, having work/daycare/money issues and was sooooo attached to this little helpless baby that I am not sure that I am clear on this call, but here is what I remember. I was in a panic and all I could think about was handing her to anyone/him for days or weekends at a time. To his credit, I am sure that fear came out in every aspect of my conversation. When I settled down and stopped crying, I asked if he wanted to see her. I told him that me and one of my girlfriends thought she looked a lot like him. He agreed to see her and I loaded her up and headed his way. He took 1 look at her and said "she looks nothing like me". From then on, I felt as though he was done with us. He promised that as soon as he had the money to get a paternity test that he would call and if she was his he would be a part of her life. That was 22 months ago and I am still waiting for him to come up with the $300.00 dollars. No calls, nothing.

A friend of mine ran into him and he mentioned that his mother reminds him when her Birthdays are and things like that. He said that I told him that I didn't want him around. I am pretty sure that was not what I said, but my fear of letting her go to anyone else in those first few months may have come across that way. If he made/makes any attempt to become a part of her life, I won't stop it for her sake. I am sure I wouldn't be too nice at this point, but I would definitely figure it out for my daughter.

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