Thursday, April 16, 2009

The mom behind the little angel.

I am and have been so many things in my 38 years. So here I am in a nutshell. Please read with an open mind and understand that I have a good heart with a lot of flaws and am a big enough person to admit my BADS.

I grew up as an only child with a mom and a dad that were young and had no idea how to raise a child. Nor do I think they really wanted to nor were to blame for that. Their drug and alcohol use and partying played a big role in my life. For the most part until I graduated from High School and moved out my life was not so pretty. Somehow I did manage to hate drugs so much that I have never done them, graduated with decent grades, a good sense of right and wrong, a good work ethic, respect for my elders and i didn't get into any major trouble. My grandmother played a huge part in my life growing up and she was a Saint. I made a lot of friends that were and are great people and they have remained a stable source for me over the years.

My father and I never got along and it put a huge strain on my mother and her relationship with both of us. My mom and dad divorced when I was 30 and both of them are better people for it. My mom and I are now the best of friends and my dad and I are much closer. They stopped all drug, alcohol and partying when I was in High School so that helped them.

I worked for a bank for 8 years after HS. I made a lot of very close friends and learned valuable lessons. I never really went to college. I made no money and struggled constantly. So THEN, I was offered a job in a car dealership as a finance manager. I did this for 10 years and this is the part of my life that has taught me the things that I DON"T want in life and taught me that money can be EVIL.

I made a lot of money, bought houses, cars, jewelry, clothes, motorcycles and anything else that a materialistic person would need to look good. In the car business I learned how to mislead customers, treated co-workers like crap, dump a good hearted boyfriend because he didn't fit the part, work 70 hours a week, chalk up lots of debt, and become a very hateful, insecure person. I went through MANY men with no thoughts of their feelings nor mine.

In September of 2005 I was fired (for the first time in my life) from a scummy dealership. I had to take a look at myself and figure out how I became a person that the scum of the earth didn't want around. I decided to go into a different field (Mortgages, yeah I know, not much different) I went from making 6 figures to making nothing. I had over $5000.00 a month in bills so I took all of my 401k out to live. After that was gone and I was still making nada, I put my house on the market. It sold and I had to come up with 10k for closing. I was flat ass broke and living with my mom. I had the biggest blow to my ego ever. No more ME. Everything I was was gone. All of my THINGS out the door. What a wake up call.

I went to counseling, got an office job and began rebuilding the person that I wanted to be. I was on my way to feeling good when "the summer of 2006" happened and really started my life. Past post will explain that one. I am still working on me and how to help my daughter become a better person than I was. She needs to know that being a good person by far trumps MONEY. I think that so far I am doing a pretty good job. I have always had good n in my heart, I just let all the other crap cloud it. As I have stated so many times in the last couple years, my life really started the day I found out I was pregnant. What can I say, I am a very slow learner.

My past life (1970-2006) Some good!! No, some GREAT!!!!!
I traveled all over the US, Mexico, and the Caribbean.
I knew and dated pro athletes. Yuck
Drove beautiful cars (my favorite was my candy apple red Hummer H2 Limited or was it the Mercedes CLK230 previously owned by a Rockies player) See I told you I was materialistic.
I had the greatest grandmother ever known.
Made life long friends.
Help needy friends and boyfriends, most of whom I got screwed by.
Made money and lost money.
Went to the Pro--Bowl in Hawaii and partied with the players.
Competed in Figure competitions.
Worked out since I was 17.
Played soccer.
Partied a lot.
I can go on and on. For the most part, I got to do a lot of cool things. They were mostly superficial but non-the-less fun.

My life. (2006-present)
Created a perfect little girl.
Made a grandmother out of my mom.
A grandfather out of my dad.
Mellowed out and became a very humble person.
Found a love that I had never had before. My daughter.
Work for a stable company.
Drive a mommy car. (Toyota Rav 4)
Donate to any charity that asks me to when I have extra money. Especially March of Dimes
Still work very hard every day to become better.

I hope that I don't sound like a really bad person, because I am not. My daughter is helping me everyday in my growth as I am hers. Together, I feel like we can make anything happen.


  1. A good person looks at the wrons they have done and the things they have messed up in their life and others and tries to right them. The outcome doesn't matter as long as they try to mend the things they messed up.

    I hope it keeps getting better!

  2. Danielle...sounds like you have a grasp on the important things. Nice to meet you. Your daughter is a cutie, and you look like you're 20.