Then I started to drift off to the bad boy with tattoos and a streak of arrogance to him.
When all of that didn’t work, I decided to try out the self assured guy that had never seen the inside of a gym before but was stable. (That is a nice way to say, not so cute and way out of shape)
Basically I go for physical appearance rather than substance. I have never denied being shallow. I own that bitch.
Now here I am, almost 40 and realizing that I need to throw all of these types out the window and concentrate on what is inside instead of how they look. I only realized this after I realized that I had only seen the outside of myself during all of those “types” and now, I know that there is more to me then my appearance. I am growing and changing for the better and it is time to make a change everywhere.
What is your “type” and how has it changed over the years?
Apparently my past "type" has been narcissitic douchebags with an amazing ability to make you think they are something else entirely - until they are done with you.
ReplyDeleteNow my type is a man who is self-aware, knows what true intimacy is and can treat me with the respect I deserve.
Not sure if that man exists, but that's my type.
I love the warrior type. No lie. A man's man. I never had a particular body type preference, though I think that stems from early lessons in how it felt to be judged being the tall, lanky type even that everyone said I should feel lucky to be. NOT.
ReplyDeleteI have it in all the right places now, but only after kids.
*blink blink*
It figures.
lol
Damn when I saw the title I thought for sure it would say "Poor, fat, bald, hungry, horny, tired"
ReplyDeleteOr a least have my pic in there somewhere!
Sigh, I'm nobodys type, I am king of the trailer park though.
I don't think I ever had a physical type, provided she wasn't extreme either way. If she had a horn sprouting from her forehead or 6 arms then that might be a deal breaker though. I think people often have types based on what they think others will think of them being with that person. Since I never much gave a f*ck what other people thought about my choices that didn't apply.
You would need some attraction to the person but perfect (unless the traits mentioned above are your perfect) is going to be hard to come by.
If I was looking I would want a chick with game. She'd have to be funny, smart, willing, enthusiastic and open minded, snarky and sarcastic are good too.
Back in the day if she had game and was not afraid to use it I didn't much care if she pretty or just ok, heavy, skinny, sort, tall or otherwise. If she didn't have game or was a bitch then I didn't care if she was Mrs Hawaiian Tropic.
People have flaws, I don't know why anyone would expect perfect when they themselves can't deliver perfect either. Women it seems worry about all sorts of shit like sagging boobs, scars, stretch marks from birthing etc, any guy who would judge you negatively on those things isn't worth your time anyway. Now if you don't take showers and smell like ass that is different, that is choice. Not perky boobs is not.
Its a hell of a lot easier to get along with good people who aren't exactly what you want in appearance than it is to have the perfect looking guy/girl that is a doo doo head.
There ya go.
Hmmmmm....I think when it really came down to it--what I was looking for, truly and completely, was someone who worked as HARD as I do...at everything. I mean from cooking and cleaning, to entertaining. Jobs, the yard, the cars...friends, children, even their own health--there is no "I'm too tired" or "I don't feel like it" in my brain. You just do what needs to be done. I learned the hard way--as well as have watched for years--people who don't have to WORK for something, never appreciate it. I want someone at my side who is as invested as I am...it matters. (although darlin', it don't hurt that my dude is 6'4" with long dark hair and even though I'm six feet tall--he can pick me up and swing me through the air!) (wicked grin)
ReplyDeleteI know that I will always find long,black straight hair attractive and a tan look with that will kick it up a notch. However I never date this look. Go figure. The older I get, I'm happy to say the more I'm attracted to what's inside a person. A pretty face will attract me. Kitcat was very attractive and I enjoyed that. The Comic is almost the opposite. She is average looks, but I'm so attracted to her when she opens her mouth and talks.
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with MindyMom....I typically went for the narcissitic douchebags. I liked them blonde with blue eyes. If you ignored me or treated me like shit, I would go ga-ga over you.
ReplyDeleteNowadays, I'm attracted to tall, smart guys who are confident (read: NOT COCKY)and know how to make me feel special. Not really into skinny guys...do like a bit of meat...dare say "Husky"? It's nice to have a conversation with someone whose first sentence out of their mouths isn't "Nice tits.. Wanna fuck?".......
Dating would be a whole lot easier if my wife allowed it. I should have said my type is a chick my bride approves of!
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking I kinda have the hots for Mags, I might have to follow her home! Smart y'all will have to decide but I own the other traits.
What a coincidence, I think I've dated some of the same men as MindyMom!
ReplyDeleteMy type has changed quite a bit as I've gotten older, or more accurately having a type in general has started to fade. It went from being more physical attributes to finding that the inner stuff started to make men sexy to me. Probably the biggest type marker I had carried around was TALL.. .the taller the better! I went from 6'8" to the the man I loved the most in my life who was barely taller than I am and it didn't bother me a bit because he was confident.
If I had to state a type now, it would be a compassionate smarty pants. And rather than looks on the physical side of things I'll say he has to have an active life style.
you know this is a very good question and to be quite truthful here I think I have to certain type on the outside that is. I mean lets face it there must be some sort of attraction for starters.... but not all the time. I mean stuff can grow fast or slow. I think the stuff that grows slow has more of a chance to last longer then the fast. I love to see a girl like what I like and can be herself, not shy and shows a attraction mentally and physically towards me. Again it takes take... well the better stuff takes two *grins* you show a need for me and I will show a need for you type of girl... *head hurts now* I knew I should not have tried to tackle this question....
ReplyDeleteYou. You're my type.
ReplyDeleteI'm with Mindy too and throw in a touch of arrogant asshole who can't tell the truth if his life depended on it.
ReplyDeleteNow I've put integrity on the must have list. Confidence is good but narcissism or arrogance is not.
Physically I always love a guy with strong, broad shoulders. Personality has always been more important to me, though. But there still has to be that physical chemistry. I hate skinny guys....maybe if I were skinnier I would feel diff - lol.
ReplyDeleteI always valued honesty...now after my divorce I value honesty over ANYTHING else.
You're pretty!
ReplyDeleteSee. I 'used' to have a type. A type of guy I thought I went for. A type of girl I thought I went for.
ReplyDeleteAnd then it was brought to my attention that no..... I don't really go for that person(s). So now I just go with my heart. And it's really never the same. Seems to work better. To just...go with it. See where my attraction may lie...like roulette :)
I think YOU are most guys type. I don't understand why guys aren't lining up to date you. Smart, hot, funny, nice it is a shame really. You would be a prize to have for any guy. Not just for a while but for a girlfriend or wife. I should be your type.
ReplyDeleteNot sure if I have a type. My ex-husband was a large man.....looks had nothing to do with why I loved him (I fell real hard, real fast), it was everything else, LOL. He was very smart, and he "got" me, we could finish each others sentences. He treated me with respect and made me feel like I was the most important thing in this world. He was kind of arrogant and cocky and everyone got out of his way when he was around, it made me feel like he was "the man". He had money...I never had anything in my life or been with a man that had anything, so it was a treat for me to be spoiled a little. Wherever we were he always made me the center of attention, pointing out something I had done, bragging on me, making me seem "the best" at all I attempted to do. He built me up, put me on a pedestal....
ReplyDeleteDang, as I typed that it seemed all flowery and nice, LOL. But there is a BIG catch (isn't their always?). When he was DONE with me, and he had set his sights on a new pursuit, it was just that, DONE! He turned on me all of a sudden, out of the blue, left me dumbfounded. It was like a mac-truck ran over me. And I fell hard off of that pedestal! I was unworthy of anything further from him.....Basically our whole marriage and existance together had been a lie. He said/did whatever it took to convince me that he was wonderful, then when I bought into it, he checked out.. Like it was a wicked game or something.
Anyway, my new guy, is so opposite. Not a cheater, and has NO GAME, lol. He is reasonably handsome but he doesn't think so, and he loves me like crazy, loves my babies.
But you know the sad thing? I could take him, or leave him. I guess he is not my "TYPE" because he isn't a bad guy!!! But I am sticking around hoping that just maybe I can learn to love him. I am waiting for something to grow and flourish from us being together. Giving it a chance because these days I don't trust my own judgement!!
Well first of all you deserve the very best and your so beautiful no matter what type you pick they would be lucky to be with you 40 or not!!! I have learned that body is not as important than chemistry...Logistic guy doesn't have a perfect body but he makes me laugh and I have chemistry with him...He looks past my stretch marks and I look past his little belly...It doesn't matter cause he makes me happy...Yeah I am back with him...he told me he didn't want to loose me and I think I love him
ReplyDeleteMy type is the type you see in your mirror.
ReplyDeleteThe type you hear when you speak or sing.
The type you feel when you touch yourself.
That is my type.
I like a lot of the men in the Latino world cup soccer teams. That's my physical type.
ReplyDeleteAs for mental, I like my men smart, God-fearing, men's men.
Muscles with a cute face - that description makes me cringe, because I know there are lots of women who love that in a guy. I have no muscles! Haha. I am pretty lean though, from all the cycling I do. Of course, I offset that with martinis.
ReplyDeleteMy type: I like to think i don't have one, but latinas with a big smile and a nice ass turn my head every single time. I might appreciate the beauty of other women in an intellectual way, but latinas rock me to the core.
Blogger is a cock sucker. Just ate my goddamned comment.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, like I said before, Brent wasn't my type at all when I first met him. I've never been into the big muscled up type dude, but I liked a man with an "athletic" physique.
Well, when we met Brent wasn't much into working out. He sat behind a computer all day and sported a ponytail for fucks sake. He was like so far away from my "type" it wasn't even funny.
Thank God I gave him a chance and didn't turn my nose up at him like I did so many others that didn't fall under my specifications. I would have missed out on the best man, partner, friend and father ever!
I say expand those horizons girlfriend. Never know what you're missing out on.
P.S- I think anonymous just came all over himself.
My type would be a woman who is honest, respectful, loves children (a must because I'm a single parent dad), honorable, practical, loves life, likes spontaneity, humble, loves God, and is beautiful inside and out. I believe that this person will find me one day, all in God's timing.
ReplyDeleteUmmm. Well, the physical attraction needs to be there, of course, but if there's nothing attractive inside then for me, it will never work. In HIM, I have it all. He's big enough (nearly 6') and has a great build. He's handsome. And he's a thinker. He has a good heart, even though he hides it and guards it.
ReplyDeleteThat he loves my kids and wants to be there for me, take care of me as much as I will allow (which isn't much) makes him all the more attractive. Add in common interests and goals...
we have a winner!
My type has always been anyone who treated me like crap and looked like I won him in a raffle.
ReplyDeleteI don't have a type anymore. I'm over attraction/love/whatever. That's what years of marriage has done to me.
For a long time I tried to date men I thought SHOULD be my type. You know, hot, jerky, treated me like I was lucky to be with them, that kind of thing. Narcissistic seems to be the key word here, eh?
ReplyDeleteThen I started realizing that yes, these men were cute. They were admired for their looks. But damn, they were freaking BORING. In and OUT of bed. Ugh. I promptly figured out that my type is not ... well, THAT anymore.
So, I just started dating men that were nice, that made me laugh, that treated me well. Because I'll tell you what my friend, it's THOSE men that became WAY hotter to me than any of the men from yore. ;)
If you could have me you would love me I think. I might not be your type physically but I would treat you right and be a good man for you.
ReplyDeleteWhy does there have to be just one "type" for each person, anyway? Appearance-wise, I think we all have a fairly wide range of what we'd find acceptable ("wouldn't kick them out for eating crackers," etc.), but it's that combination of looks, smarts, personality, and affectionate openness that usually makes us think "this one's a keeper." All that said, we all go through phases, too, and our needs and desires change. Playing with a bad boy/girl might be fun when you're in your 20s, but later in life, someone solid, responsible and loving (who's still fun, and even evil, in a good way ;-) . . .) seems to suit better.
ReplyDeleteXO
I'm drawn to the damaged! I don't go for the pretty guy or the arrogant one(which I find are the same). Instead, I like the guy that's been through life and has a story. I feel that spark with somebody who knows pain and feels things deeply. It's not the best habit! However, it's where I feel comfortable. Based on looks alone, I go for the bad boy or the punk looking guy, or Johnny Depp :D
ReplyDeleteI also agree with Southern Sage- when I have dated men for their looks, it's been because I wanted the arm candy if I'm honest.
ReplyDeleteI've fallen in love with a gay man, Army Ranger, musical theatre nerd, pizza delivery boy, Ex-Con, and a tall, dark, European. Uh...I don't know what my type is...besides WRONG FOR ME.
ReplyDeleteBuny likes Bad Boys and agrees with me? Two of my fave traits in girl, female women people!
ReplyDeleteI have NO idea what my type is!! Decent..stable..breathing.. ;)...!
ReplyDeleteI have a type. He has to be attractive to me. But not before I get to know him. But definitely after. His smile has to make me smile and help me remember what his eyes do when he smiles.
ReplyDeleteHe has to make me laugh. He needs to be confident and sure but not unbend able. Goofy yet sure and sexy. And can pretend to listen to me as I talk my mouth off.
:)
And no, I'm not kidding.
His body type isn't all that big of a deal actually. Funny that.
My type ISN'T old, bald, fat, poor, horny, and/or tired guys that pretend to be gone but are actually around.
ReplyDeletePhew.
Glad we got THAT out in the open.
Great post Danielle!
I was just thinking about that the other day...how your "type" changes over time. Personality is #1 for me!! I'm just lucky b/c my husband is hot besides!
ReplyDeleteThe trick is to focus on ALL of it. Create the perfect man in your mind and he may just appear in real life - and he'll be good on the inside and the outside!
ReplyDeleteInteresting post. And the comments are equally as interesting.
ReplyDeleteHere's my experience with what women want. In my younger days, they wanted the bad boys. That left me out. My wife always jokes that in her younger days, if she had a choice between a nice guy who was going to take her out for ice cream and be a gentlemen and take her home, and the bad boy who was going to take her out for a few beers and get laid.....it was a no brainer.
As I got older, they wanted men with money. That also left me out.
In my 40's, I can remember reading the ladies profiles on dating websites, and all I saw was "refined", "distinguishing tastes", "likes the finer things in life"....in other words, code for a man with money. None of the women were interested in me because I had a common job with a common pay. Even though I was decent looking and very physically fit. Any woman I expressed an interest in blew me off. So I did a little experiment and "tweaked" my profile. I left my pictures the same, but increased my height and income. Yep....within hours, the same women who had no interest in me before were now knocking at my door. And they say that men are shallow??
Nowadays, the older women in my age bracket say that nice guys win in the end. They wanted the bad boys back then, but a nice guy to settle down with. I guess that after all these years, I'm finally a winner.
Nope.....nice guys don't finish last.