OK, so WOW! That is how I feel about all of you right now. The comments on my last post are why I blog! The support is amazing and humbling and ass kicking. I need it, I love it, and I want some more of it! Sorry for going all country on your asses for a second there.
Here is the deal. I am a self proclaimed ME hater. I don’t want pity, I want to change. Everything that I do “bad” in my life stems from me not loving myself. Years and years of doing things that I would hate someone else for doing have resulted in me truly not liking me. I know that my childhood provided me with a lot of anger and self loathing too so it is time to clear that shit out and make room for some positive. Some warm fuzzies for me!
So for now, this blog is going to get really ugly! I have always tried to keep it up beat and positive but I am fooling myself. I am an honest person, sometimes to a fault but unfortunately I haven’t been honest to myself. I am going to use this site as an outlet and hope that it helps me grow. I am sure that I will run some people off if I am as raw as I need to be. I am sorry in advance. Hopefully I will be able to get back to sunshine and roses soon.
So bear with me if you can. Don’t sugar coat comments if necessary. Please be as honest and raw back at me if you can. I need the good and the bad. I need to get real with myself and fix this shit NOW!
Well put it all out there and see how she flies. I'm sure all your fine readers will help you out.
ReplyDeleteHating yourself has to be a bad way to go about life for sure. Looks like everyone else loves you, you might as well join the club!
Raw is good. It's real. Pretending is for children, right?
ReplyDeleteGiddy up!
ReplyDeleteHells to the yeah. Let's go, D.
ReplyDeleteLove you!
I have been where you are at. My baby saved my life. I changed for her then after I changed I realized it had been for myself too. Embrace it. First step - write down the things you DO like about yourself. The list might be small to start BUT carry it with you and keep adding to it. IT helps!! I would say two things you can definitely have on there are that you are an excellent writer and a great mom! :)
ReplyDeleteGet mean, nasty, dirty, swear, cry, vent, scream - this is YOUR blog! Who the fuck ever said life was rainbows and unicorn farts? It ain't! Sometimes you feel like crap but you have a right to. If people/friends/relatives put you down, don't stay there, girl! Get up and KICK SOME ASS 'cause YOU are a rockin' chick that should definitely love herself and her kid. If you need help with the bitch-slapping, call me. I'll be ready to help.
ReplyDeleteWell, I've been guilty of hiding behind chirpy updates, and I'm getting back to getting real, too. So I will if you will!
ReplyDeleteI'm looking forward to the raw and real, it is who you are. No one shits roses...
ReplyDeleteGood for you. I think any sugar coating you read in the comments is going to be the real deal. Like cotton candy. Sugar all the way through.
ReplyDeleteSomething you might try is the bad thing/good thing method. Write something you're frustrated about/pissed off at/wanna strangle, then tell us what you're learning or gaining from it or how you want it to be different.
Dangit, now I'm hungry for cotton candy.
I agree with what everyone else has said...
ReplyDeleteWhen my Dad died... and my divorce hit, all within a few months of each other, I started seeing a counselor who was doing a great job of helping me get things sorted out...
It appeared that I did have a stumbling block, and that stumbling block was me... myself.
She (the counselor) wanted to know why I could forgive anyone and everyone else for whatever it was that they had done to me, and why I couldn't forgive myself...
She wanted to know why I cut everyone slack, and why I was the hardest on myself...
She wanted to know why I didn't like, love, respect myself with the same grace and dignity that I extended to others...
I told her that I thought I deserved everything bad that was happening... or had happened to me... and she wanted to know why.
Did I make some bad choices? Sure...
Did I do some things that I shouldn't have?? Sure...
Did I hurt some people that I shouldn't have???
Yes...
It is about loving yourself. You deserve to love yourself. You need to focus on why you don't love yourself, and then set out for the changes you want.
I know it works... It helped me... Am I perfect? Nope. Do I still screw up?? Yep... just not as often and as severely... :oD
~shoes~
You won't lose the ones that are important by being honest. Therapy in its purest form right here. I sugarcoat A LOT but I also chime in some hardcore rotten stuff because that's what I am dealing with. You'd be surprised that by you opening up, others grow with you.
ReplyDeleteHugs....
Ya....what Anon said.
ReplyDeleteI'm not going anywhere, Sugar. I'm sitting here no matter what shit you throw at the wall. Let it fly. I'll still be here. Holding your free hand.
xoxo
~vk~
Here's a secret you should know. Most people can see through the fake smiles and rainbows.
ReplyDeleteYou be you, and it will get you much farther than you being who you think we (or anyone else) wants you to be.
xoxo
I can't wait to read! I love honest posts that come from the heart.
ReplyDeleteI seem to just skim over the ones I follow who are all happy with everything.
I want to know other people have problems/issues/emotions just like I do! I want real!!
Can't wait:)
Lets start right now Danielle... for real
ReplyDeleteI'm not going anywhere. I'll be here.
ReplyDeleteI wanna tie you up and write poetry on your naked back with a feather quill then feed you chocolate covered strawberries.... Or have a beer or mixed drink with you some time.... Just saying
ReplyDeleteOh yeah.. I am soooo not going anywhere...
Hey lady, you've already decided to like yourself---and what is not to like.
ReplyDeleteSo don't worry about the mirror---we already know that is fine---actually dam fine---but you have another "mirror" living with you---a walking talking mirror----and all you have to do is look there and see if you are fine.
Is it all me, me, me or is it me after her ?
Before you run off to party, do you think of her first and change your mind or make sure that she has someone responsible to sit her.
And if you do go out, do you make sure that you are home at a good time for her ?.
When you think of guys, do you think of her ?
So I'm guessing that you are being a little hard on yourself because you are already thinking of your responsibilities before you think of you.
You might think of old times--we all do---and think it would be easy to go back there---but you're only dreaming and remembering the good bits----but you wont go back there
Oh, and get rough, get tough, yell and scream if you want to---but I'm not going anywhere
We all are going through changes. I'm with you, sister. I'll stick it out.
ReplyDeletePS. Thanks for all the encouragement lately. I've needed it. XOXO
I am working on the same thing over here. It ain't easy! I guess we'll have to blog through it together. :) I was really glad to see you pop up in my feed today!
ReplyDeleteThat first Anon person is right. I bet he/she is stunningly beautiful too. They are certainly wise and smart and wonderful.
ReplyDeleteYes. Life is real. Everyone loves you *because* you are real. Spill it, dish it....girl, you know you have people who love you no matter what.
ReplyDeletexo
I haven't responded to your last email BUT: all I can say is YES. :)
ReplyDeleteBalls to the wall girl! I'll be hanging right there next to ya *giggle*
ReplyDeleteDe-lurking to say, "you go girl!"
ReplyDeleteGo for it! We'll be here to support you and be honest with you! x
ReplyDeleteUse it as your soap box...you know I will always love you!!!
ReplyDeleteRigorous honesty and acceptance of where we are at is a good way to start the process.
ReplyDeleteSugar coatings only ever make my teeth hurt.
ReplyDeleteBring it! Bring on the honesty!
Can I give you a bit of advice that saved me (thanks to an awesome therapist)? When you catch yourself in the negative self-talk cycle, stop. Try to work on the catching part. Because I know it can be second nature to just put yourself down. But if you can institute a little negativity cop inside of you and make it blow its whistle every time you tell yourself something bad, I think it'll get easier to start being nicer to yourself. Self-hating is no good, sister! Another trick - make a list of things you like about yourself and look at it whenever you need a boost. Okay I'll stop advising now. :)
ReplyDelete